Dear Amy: After 30 years of a wonderful marriage, I was widowed at the age of 51. At 54, I now feel I am ready to swim in the dating pool again and have dipped my toes in several dating sites to try and find someone to date.
My issue is that I used to be quite obese and since my wife’s death I have shed 135 pounds and gotten my life back.
Most of the responses that I have gotten are from ladies 10 years either way of my age and are the size I used to be.
My profile is very specific about my eating and exercise habits.
I always answer any response I get, and I am always polite and try and let these women know that I am not interested in dating a large woman.
I have lived that lifestyle and do not want to go back to it.
I get back a lot of hateful and abusive responses!
I know that we should each look to the person inside, but if there is no initial attraction there is no initial attraction.
I suppose I should just not answer the responses, but that seems to be wrong to me.
Is it kinder to leave the ladies wondering or to let them know that there is no way a relationship could develop? — New to Dating
Dear New: For an expert’s opinion on this, I shared your letter with Bela Gandhi, a date “coach” and founder of Smart Dating Academy in Chicago ().
She says, “The rules are totally different in online dating. “No response” is the right thing to do when you’re not interested — it’s the polite way of saying, ‘No thanks!’
“It’s much more humane; who wants to wake up to an in-box full of detailed rejection notes?
“Online dating is a whole new world, where anyone can contact anyone — and you’re competing against millions of men. Make sure that your photos are current and show you at your best: well-dressed and smiling with head shots and body shots.
“Also make sure that your online profile essays reflect interesting and fun specifics about you — not just eating and exercise habits.”
Dear Amy: My daughter was recently married.
It was a beautiful wedding and reception.
Afterward my mother informed me that she was very upset during the photography session.
When the photographer asked for grandparents to step forward, my daughter asked for only my mother and not her husband to join her in the photo.
My stepfather has not had any sort of relationship with my daughter, and my mother does not hide the fact that her own relationship with my stepfather is strained, to say the least. Was my daughter wrong for excluding him from the photo? — Perplexed Parent
Dear Perplexed: Your daughter should not have excluded her step-grandfather from this family photo.
Regardless of how well they know each other or how well they get along, marriage to your mother brings this man into the family, and he should have been included.
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