Have you heard about rising housing costs? How about gasoline? And how many kidneys you’d have to sell to afford health insurance with a reasonable deductible? Yeah, things are pretty expensive out there. So, unless you’re really rich (and if so, good going on that), you’re going to need some cheap eats and drinks so you can afford the skyrocketing costs of everything else.
Because we care deeply about your financial health, we rounded up the best food and drink deals in town. Like, deals so good you feel like you’re stealing from them. Every food and drink on this list costs less than $5, which means you might even have money left over for a down payment on a shack in Boulder. (Just kidding — no one can afford a shack in Boulder.)
Some of these steals are available anytime. Others are only around on certain days or at certain times, so put them on your calendar, create a spreadsheet or get them tattooed onto your arm. Whatever it takes to get $2 burgers and 75 cent martinis.
Breakfast:
Breakfast burritos are so celebrated in Denver that they got听听(Oct. 14; don’t pretend that you didn’t already know), and the most iconic of all just might be听Santiago’s听$2.25 version.听various locations;听
There may be cheaper breakfast burritos out there (see Santiago’s, above) but, at least according to听听voters, there are no better.听Asada Rico听is the little burrito cart that could, dominating our 2017 March Madness burrito tournament in spite of not even having a brick-and-mortar restaurant. Owner Manuel Breackenridge rolls up the $3-$5 burritos (depending on what you get inside) Monday through Friday beginning at 7 a.m.听16th听Street Mall at Stout, 720-650-RICO;听
Fresh-baked bread is kind of priceless, but听City Bakery Cafe听has done the impossible (or maybe just the entrepreneurial) and put a price on that hot, steaming dough. The cost? $3.99 for a ciabatta roll with egg and cheese.听, 303-861-0809;听
Get to the听Cozy Cottage听between 7 and 8 a.m. on weekdays for its unbeatable Early Bird Special of two eggs any style, potatoes or grits, and toast or pancakes for — wait for it — all of $3. (It’s normally $5, so it’s not like you’re breaking the bank if you sleep in.)听-855-8958;听
The biggest problem you’re going to have at听Tacos Selene听is your lack of stomach space for the awesome $1.50 tacos, which, if that’s really your biggest problem, means you’re probably making good life choices. So congratulations on that (and the tacos you’re about to eat).听th听Ave., Aurora, 303-343-7879
Tacos:
Pretty much everything at听La Potranca Taqueria听is a steal, but the $1.49 tacos might be the best bargain of them all. For 80 cents more, get them fully loaded with guacamole and cotija cheese, bringing your total to a whopping $2.29.听th听Ave., Denver, 303-292-3617;听
El Taco de Mexico’s听$2 tacos ($2.25 for the lengua) aren’t just legit because we say so; they’re legit because Andrew Zimmern, host of “Bizarre Foods America,” said so, too. So there you have it.听, 303-623-3926;听
Skip the dollar menu at fast food chain restaurants and stock up on听Taco House’s听93-cent tacos (takeout only).听, 303-936-3633;听
Pizza:
Four spots for giant pizza slices:听Two-Fisted Mario’s听($3/cheese slices);听Famous Pizza听($2.99/cheese slices);听Slices Pizza听($2.95 for any piece at the slice bar; yes, the slice bar); and听‘蝉听($3/cheese slices, or $5 for a slice and a beer).听Two-Fisted Mario’s:听, 303-623-3523;听, Famous Pizza:听, 303-778-7998, Slices:听, 303-758-0940;听;听and Famous Original J’s:听th听Ave., Denver, 720-420-9102;听
When you’re hungry for a late-night pizza snack (so … every day?),听Cart-Driver’s听10 p.m.-12 a.m. happy hour is there for you. The Daisy (margherita) wood-fired pizza, which normally goes for $12, is just $5 for those two hours.听, 303-292-3553;听
Do you know what’s more important in life than finding the perfect pizza dough? Of course you don’t, because nothing is. It’s even better when you can get that perfect pizza dough for $2 and it’s ready to bake and top and you don’t even have to get your hands all flour-y. Thank you,听Pizzeria Locale, for making the world a more perfect place in which to live.听various locations;听
Drinks:
We can’t emphasize enough just how bad of an idea this is, but if you absolutely, positively insist upon drinking three martinis at lunch, the cheapest spot at which to do so is听Tupelo Honey Caf茅. With the purchase of an entr茅e, you’re eligible to order up to three 75-cent martinis. Which, again, is a really horrible idea and we really think you should reconsider.听-274-0650;听
Cheap margaritas are always a great idea! (We may have gotten a word wrong in that sentence, but whatever.) After 4 p.m.,听D’Corazon’s听big, strong margaritas are $3.57 with the purchase of a meal.听-904-8226;听
For those who like their beers cheap and their dancing in line formation, check out the听Grizzly Rose听on Tuesday nights. Draft beers go for a single buck all night long.听5450 North Valley Highway, Denver, 303-295-2353;听
Dessert:
The savory options at听Cuba Bakery & Caf茅听are great and all, but it’s the flaky guava and cream cheese pastries for $1.50 each that have half our hearts in Havana.听, 303-752-2822
Two spots for a $2 sugar high: On Tuesdays, the fabulous cupcakes at听Happy Bakeshop听go for $2 (normally $3.25), and although it’s gotten more expensive than the previous, killer three-cookies-for-a-dollar deal, the听Santa Fe Cookie Co.’s听trio of cookies for $2 is still a good value.听Happy Bakeshop:听nd听Ave., Denver, 303-477-3556;听听and Santa Fe Cookie Co.: 303 16th听St., Denver, 303-623-0919;听
For less than the cost of a pint of Ben & Jerry’s at the grocery store, you can get a pint of fresh-made, ultra-creamy听Glacier听ice cream or gelato. Stock up for the week (or the night, depending on how your day went) with Glacier’s three pints for $13 deal.听Boulder locations;听
Happy Hour:
Buy a cheap drink at听Jose O’Shea’s听during its 4-6:30 p.m. happy hour and get an all-access pass to the free taco and nacho bar. The $3.99 margaritas are made with Sauza tequila, so it’s not even the worst-possible tequila out there.听, 303-988-7333;听
When considering both quality and quantity,听Ultreia’s听weekday 3-6 p.m. happy hour is impressive. Pintxos (Spanish snacks) go for $3.06 each, and a goblet full of gin and whatever else they want to put in there is just $4.08. Oh, and sangria is $3.06, so that’s probably worth ordering, too.听, 303-534-1970;听
Look! There are deals to be had in the LoHi neighborhood!听a’s听$5 happy hour menu includes sushi rolls and small plates like shishito peppers and gyoza. Check it out Monday through Friday from 4 to 6 p.m. (plus another round late night) and on weekends from 1 to 5 p.m.听-372-7100;听
The Rest:
Empanadas are usually a pretty cheap eat, but the ones at听Empanada Express Grill听are some of our favorites because: a) they’re huge, and b) they’re delicious. Ham or cheese go for $3.75, while $4.99 buys you premium fillings, like seafood or the pabellon criollo (beef, chicken or pork with beans and plantains).听th听Ave., Denver, 303-955-8362;听
From 4 to 10 p.m. each Tuesday, cheeseburgers go for $2 at听Brothers Bar & Grill. See? There’s hope for the world after all.听Stapleton and Lone Tree locations;听
Tamale Kitchen听started out in 1980 by selling tamales door-to-door. While its method of delivery has changed, the food (and, apparently, the prices) have not. Stop by on Tuesdays when tamales are 50 cents all day.听Various locations;听
A meager $3.50 buys you one of the best sandwiches in Denver at听Ba Le,听a Vietnamese bakery/deli. The thit nuong (BBQ pork) banh mi with crunchy veggies on a fresh baguette is our go-to.听, 303-922-2129
The majority of听Star Kitchen’s听dim sum menu is under $5. Choose among — or don’t; at these prices why choose? — pork siu mai, mango pudding and steamed BBQ pork buns for just $3.15. And definitely grab a plate of the addictive crystal leek dumplings at $4.25 when they roll around.听, 303-936-0089;听
