Dear Amy: I began my job about a year ago. Everything about the work – the schedule, the location, the pay and the benefits – is great. The company consists of the male owner, who is rarely in the office, and my two co-workers, both female, one of whom is my boss.
The two women have a strong friendship and all day long they chitchat, compliment each other, laugh, prepare food together in the kitchen, etc.
They aren’t exactly rude to me, but they aren’t friendly and don’t include me in anything not strictly business-related. Most days, I feel I’m invisible.
When I began the job, I assumed that I was one of the girls and was friendly and sharing, but about a month into the job, my boss berated me in front of the other women, who snickered. I was new and was struggling. I was shocked because it was clearly just a question of me being new and having a learning curve. But after that, the tone changed and now it’s less pleasant.
My boyfriend says that you go to work to earn a paycheck and not to socialize. Everything else about the job is good, so he says I should stop complaining.
Should I just accept the situation and quit complaining? Or should I just find another job?
– Susan
Dear Susan: You should stop complaining, mainly because complaining doesn’t get you anywhere. Venting is one thing, but complaining is like listening to a Britney Spears song stuck in a CD groove. It brings you down and depresses the people around you.
Concentrate on enjoying those aspects of your job that give you personal and professional satisfaction. The more professionally accomplished you become, the less sensitive you will be and the less these “queen bees” will bother you. Spend any time you might otherwise have spent trying to suck up to these women developing your professional life and looking for other professional opportunities.
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Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I have been living together for six years. He is married, and every year I hear the same old thing – his wife wants a divorce. But neither one will do it. We own our home and a trucking business in Alaska. He also owns property with his wife in another state, and they have bank accounts together.
I have tried to suggest that he give her the house and the bank account and a divorce, but he doesn’t hear it.
I love this man and he says he loves me. We have been having some problems for the past six months, however. We are both over 50. I feel that he is tired of me, and I am lonely, as he never hears what I have to say. I have been divorced for 29 years. I was hoping to marry this man, but I don’t see that ever happening.
Should I continue with him and just let things be, or should I say enough – and get on with my life.
– Tired of Games in Alaska
Dear Tired: You bear some responsibility for the mess you’re in – because of the choices you’ve made to be in – and stay in – this relationship. Before you exit – and you will exit from this relationship, right? – make sure to consult a lawyer. Because you are financially entangled with this loser, he and his wife could end up with your share of the business assets unless you are careful.
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