Dear Amy: My husband and I are excitedly preparing for our little one’s first birthday party, and many friends and relatives will be attending.
If past family get-togethers serve as a crystal ball, what will likely happen is that the relatives who do attend will gossip or put down relatives who don’t attend (or criticize those who show up late or leave early).
How can we diplomatically request a gossip-free, criticism-
free two hours for this very important celebration (and future celebrations that we host)?
– Wondering Mom
Dear Wondering: Start now to raise your child in a poison-
free atmosphere.
Just as many smart people don’t permit smoking in front of their kids, you should put the word out that you are trying to establish a healthy environment for your family.
Tell the worst offenders, good-naturedly, that you don’t want them to pick on, harass or criticize other family members in your home.
Your home should be a “gossip-free” zone.
At the party, if family members forget their good manners, say, “Remember what we talked about? Let’s not do that here,” and provide them with an alternative topic or give them a job to do – on the theory that idle hands and mouths are the devil’s playground.
…
Dear Amy: My wife of almost 20 years doesn’t like to maintain relationships with new married couples that we meet if she thinks the women in these couples are more physically attractive than her.
Despite the fact that she is very attractive, she thinks that she has body defects (she thinks that her feet are too large, her nose is large, she is not as tall as she would like to be, etc.).
Every time we’re in the company of someone she thinks is more physically attractive, she acts different and later accuses me of completely ignoring her and of paying too much attention to the other woman.
I tell her that I can’t simply be silent and that my conversations do not mean that I ignore or forget about her.
Lately, it seems easier not to meet or talk to people.
When we’re alone, everything is fine. She is sweet, caring and loving. I can’t confront her when she is in a good mood. What should I do?
– AK
Dear AK: I have a theory about middle age. As in adolescence, one day you look around and notice that everyone else on the planet is more attractive than you are.
You shouldn’t CONFRONT your wife when she is in a good mood – but that’s the perfect time to have a conversation with her. Ask her what you could do to make these interactions easier for her, but also let her know that her insecurities aren’t going to dominate your behavior.
It isn’t fair of your wife to attempt to control your interactions with other people. She needs to learn how to behave like the grown-up she is.
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