Dear Amy: Every year my husband and I throw a Christmas Eve party for some family members, but mostly for our friends, almost all of whom happen to be Jewish and well off.
Although we are not practicing, we are Catholic and middle class.
The party takes a lot of work, and although we don’t have a lot of money, we do our best. Children come, and everyone seems to love it.
However, my husband and I have grown to hate it.
Every year when our friends get together at the party, they form their own huge clique and talk about bar/bat mitzvahs, who’s going to what sleep-away camp, how they need to move into a more Jewish neighborhood and how they are spending their money.
Of course I care about their lives and respect their beliefs, but I just cannot relate, and they don’t do anything to make me feel welcome in their conversations. We feel excluded at our own party. I love my friends, and our children love this tradition, but I feel like an outsider. We have thought about ditching the holiday party, but the truth is, we like celebrating Christmas Eve, and my friends are expecting the invitation. Any advice?
– Holiday Harried
Dear Harried: There are party-management techniques that you could try as a way to break up the clique. You could put guests to work, decorating cookies or ornaments; play a game of Pictionary, or present toasts. However, the bottom line is that there are plenty of ways to celebrate Christmas Eve other than hosting a party that you have grown to hate.
This year, perhaps you and your family members could get together and have a light supper and then attend midnight Mass or a musical concert as a group. Or you could hook up for dinner downtown and follow it with nightcaps and cookies at your home.
Sometimes these holiday traditions just run their course, and it’s nobody’s fault.
…
Dear Amy: I just had to weigh in on the snack discussion. Our family participates in a car pool with four families. Three of the kids have food issues (sugar, gluten, dairy, you name it). I found that snacks with no gluten, sugar or dairy would keep the kids happy as well as junk food. The ride home is vastly more pleasant without the blood-sugar roller coaster that more traditional “treats” provide.
– Car Pooler
Dear Car Pooler: Thank you for the great suggestion.
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