Dear Amy: I’m 17 and got a tattoo done by a friend.
My parents want to force me to get it removed.
Can they do that? Do I have a say? — Teen
Dear Teen: Most states require that tattoo artists administer ink only to people 18 or older (sometimes younger with written parental consent). Depending on where you live, the person violating this law could be charged with a misdemeanor and/or fined thousands of dollars.
So can your parents force you to have your ink removed? It depends on what you mean by “force.”
They might force you by threatening to make you mow the lawn for the rest of your natural life or by attempting to use any number of emotional weapons in their parental armory. They might force you by threatening to take legal action against your friend.
I don’t believe your parents would have a legal case against you, because the laws are intended to protect young people from their own flawed choices.
The most important thing your parents should force you to do is to see a doctor immediately to be tested for hepatitis, tetanus and HIV. After that, if you were my kid I might suggest that you keep your tattoo. That might be ample punishment, certainly down the road when you are faced with living with a fashion choice you thought was awesome when you were 17.
Dear Amy: I’ve been married for 12 years and am trying to recover from my husband’s affair, which lasted for several months.
He was very much in love with this married woman, but she ended it. This was not her first affair.
They connected on Facebook, and after she ended the affair she removed him as a “friend” on the site. Well, three months later they are friends again on Facebook.
I told him it is disrespectful to have any communication with her. He claims they have been friends since school, and I told him the dynamics of their friendship changed when they slept together. I feel it is unfair to me for them to be in touch. I do not want a divorce, but I also can’t be married to a man who communicates with a woman he had an affair with.
Am I wrong? — Brokenhearted
Dear Brokenhearted: You are not wrong, and your husband knows this.
You say your husband was very much in love with this woman but she broke it off. It seems to me that — despite the fact that physical contact may have ceased — this affair isn’t really over.
If it was over, and if your husband was fully committed to being in this marriage with you, he would not open a virtual window and let this woman into your house.
You two would benefit from marriage counseling. You need to establish basic ground rules for how to move forward. No contact with her should be at the top of the list.
Dear Amy: I wanted to offer a word of comfort for the “Concerned Mom,” with the son who didn’t seem to have friends.
I’m going to offer a perspective from the other side of this issue.
My son was always social and had no trouble making friends. During his elementary and middle school years, several worried moms said to me, “I don’t know what we’d do without your son; he is my son’s only friend.”
But all these kids, in the larger social pools of middle and high school (where they were more likely to meet kids with shared interests) all found more friends.
I just want to reassure “Concerned Mom” that all these “friendless” kids — now in their middle 20s — turned out just fine. (And so did mine.) — Jan in Illinois
Dear Jan: As I counseled “Concerned Mom,” it only takes one friend to meet the emotional and social needs of some children, but parents should pay very close attention if they see a change in their child’s friendships.
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